Dear Clary
by Anna.Green
Summary: Jace thinking Clary is dead,writes a goodbye letter to her. [Based on Shadowhunters the show, after mid-season finale] Mentions Sizzy & Malec Please read and review!
1. Jace's letter

I think there are great things about both the show and the book. One major change in the show that I really enjoyed was that Clary was the one who was connected to Jonathon- not Jace. I feel that book Jace went through too much pain. He was repeatedly tortured throughout the series and while it continuously broke my heart, it became slightly repetitive after a while. I remember reading the books and thinking "How much pain does my boy gotta go through?" Therefore, Shadowhunters-the show- pleasantly surprised me with this unexpected change. This particular story was an idea I kept thinking about. It takes place after Clary's "death" and before they find out she's alive (however that will happen)

I'm really curious to know how this change sat with the rest of the fandom because its a huge change from the books so please let me know in the reviews. :)

All credits to Cassandra Clare

Dear Clary,

It's been 2 weeks since that fatal day. 2 weeks since I last saw you and even then it was from possessed eyes. I didn't want to do this- to write how I feel. The old Jace would laugh at me for writing down my feelings. But I'm not the old Jace, not by a long shot. It seems like a lifetime ago that night at Pandemonium. You should know-in case you don't- that you broke something in me. You taught me not only to feel, but to love- the most powerful weapon. I guess I wanted to say sorry. God Clary, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough. I'm sorry I didn't fight hard enough. For you. For us. Every night, every single night, I see you. I see you gripping my arm whispering "I love you". And I try, try with everything inside me to say it back.. I shout it so loud I can feel it in my toes. Every cell and fiber of my being screams "I love you!", screaming it over and over again waiting for you to hear me. But every time, every damned time, no sound comes out of my lips. I cry those words again and again and again, sobbing, begging for you to hear them. "I love you."

You left this world to soon, and I never got to say goodbye. I didn't get to tell you how much you meant to me. How I can't live without you, and how I love you more than anything else in this world. You're gone. You're gone and I'm in pieces- and to be honest, I don't even want to be put back together. You were too young. You were too happy and too beautiful. You had so much life to live- so much love to were going to grow old together- have little redhead children, little redhead grandchildren. I was going to be by your side until my last breathe, I was counting on it. I should have known it was too good to be true. Our lives were destined to be tragic. And now, ... now you're gone.

I want you to know, I loved you since I've known you, I love you now, and I will love you even after I die. I never believed in heaven. My life has been nothing but sad stories and bad luck. But if there is anything up there, I know you deserve it all. I hope you watch over me. I hope you smile when you think of me, and miss me even half as much as I miss you. I hope you don't forget me. I hope you send me little signs that your out there like you did this morning- with the little piece of charcoal jammed in the drawer of my bathroom.

Not much has happened down here. Alec is fine and is only growing more in love with Magnus. Simon and Izzy have been spending more time together and I think you would like that. I think you would smile a little whenever you would see them with each other, and shake your head in awe of how things never turn out how you would think. I think everyone is missing you. Even Alec, although back in the day, he would never have admitted it. But no one misses you like I do. No one feels your absence the way i do. No one wakes up with tears stinging their cheeks, praying to find you curled beside them. No one sees you in the trees outside, or in the graffiti under the bridges. No one feels that familiar pain in the chest every. single. day. Every time a couple shares a laugh while waiting for their food to be served, every time a redhead jogs by, every little smile- every little laugh.

I don't think I'm going to write to you again. I think I'm going to face the real world and accept the reality because I know that's what you would have wanted me to do. But no matter the time, day, or year, I will be thinking of you.

I will never stop missing you Clary.

I will never stop missing you.

With all my love,

Jace Herondale


	2. Izzy's letter

bluejayfire gave me a wonderful idea to do letters from different perspectives. So here's Izzy's!

all credits to Cassandra Clare

Hi, I guess. I feel weird doing this, but I think it might be helpful-might help me... I don't know-cope? Writing letters to those that have passed - it's not a Shadowhunter thing to do. Death is apart of our lives. Sacrifice is apart of our lives. You would think we were accustomed to saying goodbye to those we love. But the truth is- you never get used to it. It hurts every time, each person more and more. How many of our loved ones are gone? How many have given their lives for mine? And the worst one, who's next? Right after your death, Jace went crazy. Really crazy. He would be out for days at a time, chasing every demon that set foot in New York. I would stay up for hours waiting for him to come home, praying for him to come home. It was terrifying for everyone to watch. You were his anchor to this world Clary- he lived for _you_! He got up in the morning because he knew he would get to see _you_. You were his life. And now, it's almost like he has nothing to live for.

He's looks a little better now. But not really. His eyes don't light up the same way and he rarely smiles. I haven't heard him laugh in so long... I don't even remember what it sounds like. To be honest, I was so mad at you when you left because you broke Jace- you really did. When things got really bad, when he would get really drunk and cry for you- cry for you to come back to him, God I hated you. I hated you for ruining my brother, hated you because I know he will never love again- he would never even try.  
But on better days, when I think back on the last years, I realized what a miracle you were for Jace. You made him _human_. You made him _real_. And as heartbreaking as it is, it was worth it.

I don't only miss you for Jace' s sake though, I miss you for were a sister to me. I was never good with other girls. Boys, I could handle but girls? I always hated other girls. You and I, we were a team. You were fire, and I was ice. I've never been able to count anyone- I was as independent as it gets. You helped me open up, helped me live and love in a different capacity than I could ever have believed. What I want to say is... you were probably my best friend. I know you were meant to be apart of my life Clary, apart of all of ours. Something Hodge once told me, there comes a time were people can no longer be apart of your life, only a part of your heart. Even though it was short, I'm so grateful for you and for helping me become the person I am.

I didn't write this letter to talk about me or even Jace, I wrote it because... something weird happened today.

I... _saw_ you today.

I was walking to meet Simon at Taki' s when I felt that tingling feeling like eyes on my back. I turned and.. It was you. Standing on the other side of the street, cars flying back and forth between us. It was you. Your red hair was whipping around you like a tornado, but I could still see your eyes, piercing through the hazy shield of your wind-blown hair, looking right at me.

But, when I blinked again, you were gone.

I couldn't tell Simon- it was to sensitive a topic. God knows I can't tell Jace- I can't even mention your name in front of him without that look in his eyes- like broken glass. Alec would sigh sympathetically and tell me to rest.

But I saw what I saw Clary.  
And I saw you.


	3. Simon's Letter

**Hey Guys! Thanks so much for reading. This chapter isn't good. I wasn't really feeling it and I didn't get that uncontrollable inspiration for Simon's letter. I wrote this chapter just so I can publish the next chapter (which will be finishing the story)! I'm really excited about it so stay tuned!**

 ****To all that haven't watched the show, just some info that might be helpful: After Simon uses the Mark of Cain against Lilith, Lilith uses her magic to make Simon fall off the building. Simon hears an explosion and when he finally gets back up to the penthouse where he just was, he sees that Lilith, Jonathon, and Clary have all disappeared. Based on this, he believes his Mark ultimately was what killed Clary, thus blaming himself for her death.**

 **Anyway, enjoy!**

 **All credits to Cassandra Clare**

Dear Clary,

I remember that night like it was yesterday. It sits rooted on the surface of my mind vividly and permanently.

Every-time I close my eyes, I see it over and over again- a never ending loop until I have every movement memorized; every word spoken and every action taken. I see you. Every detail- I see it. The fire of your hair, the fire in your eyes... and then the fire licking the walls burning the room to ashes. And then there is nothing. Nothing. No reason to believed that anything even happened- no sign that anything did happen other than the giant crater in the ceiling.

And then Jace. Jace with his blond hair sticking to his sweaty forehead and streaks of blood on his cheeks and neck and soaking through his shirt. Jace, screaming your name, his cries reverberating on the collapsed walls. Jace the unbreakable- collapsing on the cold,wet, ground paralyzed by his own pain. Jace the untouchable- sobbing uncontrollably, whispering your name to himself over and over again. He lies there for hours. Cries there for hours, even after Isabelle, Alec and Luke are gone.

I've never seen Jace in pain, and to be honest, it scares me. He looks...vulnerable. Like a child. The way he brings his knees to his chest. The way his lip trembles and his eyes turn bitterly towards the sky.

And then, every time that unbearable feeling of guilt- an ice cold wave of guilt that crashes over me so tremendously that it squeezes the air out of my lungs and thevibration in my fingers.

It was me. Me. Me who took your life. Me who robbed Luke of his daughter, Jace of his lover, and myself of...you

I _killed_ you.

It was _me_.

Never, never in my worst nightmares could I have ever imagined it being me. Even in the most horrifying dreams, it was a greater demon, and for a period of time, I would see it being Jace. But not me. Never me

I'm sorry. It doesn't cover it, I know but I don't even know where I'm supposed to begin. How do you apologize to the person you know better than any one else, the person who you love like a sister, the person who has been by your side for as long as you can remember, your _best friend_ , for taking their life.

You can't.

It's unforgivable.

It's been 2 months. And they have been the worst 2 months of my life. I can't let you go. I can't put it behind me, I can't close my eyes and not see your face-see the fire, see Jace, see nothing. I need you in my life, Clary. I need you in my world. I don't know how to live with out you.

I will live forever. I will see many things. I will see the world change and meet so many people, and it scares me because I will forget people I never thought I could. But never will I forget you. I won't forget meeting you for the first time. Walking into the kinder garden classroom, seeing those luminous green eyes and shiny red curls. I'll fall in love many times. Or try to. But I won't forget falling for you, and even though times have changed and feelings have changed, I will always remember that period of time with an incomparable feeling of peace and serenity.

Isabelle is up to something. I can tell, she has a certain glint in her eyes and she has been out a lot. I hear her whispering with Alec, hear little slivers of conversations with your name that stop abruptly near me. I can never guess with that girl, there are so many things that she can be up to. But I think this is important. And I think it has to do with you. I know she thinks its suspicious a body was never found. I know she thinks that its not possible for someone to just ...disappear. I don't know what she is thinking. I don't know what her version of the story is. I'm not sure I want to know. I don't want to get my hopes up or get excited for no reason. But if there is even a sliver of a possibility that you're out there - even a sliver- I will search for you until the end of time.

I miss you,

Simon Lewis


	4. extra

**Hi guys! So I know there are some questions about** ** _what just happened_** **in the last chapter. I had no idea how to continue the story in letter form, so I started a new story that takes place from Izzy's letter to the ending. Hopefully, it will answer some questions and clear some stuff up. Anyway, go check it out! Thank you so much for reading!**


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